weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We smell like vodka and hangover
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