I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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