i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
