The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
