this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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