I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
