dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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