Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...