Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.