Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.