Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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