..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ok first of all what the fuck
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
