Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
