DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
