OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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