my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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