I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm jealous of your bromance
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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