I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
