You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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