my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
