and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
