Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
