You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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