just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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