When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
