The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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