and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
