just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
