The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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