woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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