We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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