I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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