worst night to have a conscience
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
