i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
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Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
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You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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