break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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