i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
