I'm eating all of the evidence.
one might say we're banned from that church
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
