i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I could make wine with my vomit
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
