dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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