I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
