so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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