I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
