I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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