He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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