Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
