Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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