this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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