i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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