we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
