I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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