i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
is it fun? or sober?
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