3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
