I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
