Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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