I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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