I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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