I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
