Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
