It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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