he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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