just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
