Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
