the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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