If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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