This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
