I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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