I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
time to smoke my breakfast
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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